Confidence is not a trait we’re born with, but a state of mind we cultivate over time. If we think back, as infants, we had an instinctual persistence, undeterred by falls or failures. A 12-month-old learning to walk, for example, doesn’t give up after a stumble. But as we grow older, layers of self-doubt emerge, shaped by high expectations, comparisons, and social dynamics, and before long, we might find ourselves struggling to take steps forward in life. In this article, we’ll delve into three habits that erode confidence and learn how to unlearn them.
1. Failure to Launch
The Trap of Overthinking and Procrastination
Imagine Marco, a talented software engineer with impressive achievements, yet stuck in a loop of planning and second-guessing himself on an exciting project he wanted to start. No matter how skilled he was, he couldn’t bring himself to act. This is the failure to launch—an endless cycle of gathering information, constantly doubting if we’re ready. Overthinking leads to procrastination, keeping us in a state of inertia.
Our brain is naturally wired to protect us from perceived risks. For many, this protection turns into rumination: a habit of overthinking worst-case scenarios and endless “what ifs.” Instead of being in action mode, we’re stuck in thought, fixating on what could go wrong, which ultimately kills confidence.
How to Overcome the Failure to Launch
To break out of this cycle, try shifting your self-talk. Instead of, “I can’t do this,” ask, “How can I make this happen?” UCLA studies show that even subtle changes in language can transform how we feel and act. Follow this mindset shift with small, immediate actions, no matter how imperfect they may seem. These actions build momentum, helping you avoid overthinking and embrace execution.
2. Treading Water
The Habit of Failing to Finish
The second mind pit, treading water, reflects the pattern of starting but not finishing. Take the example of a brilliant academic who dropped out of a second master’s degree and nearly quit his PhD, only a year from completion. Though he was talented, his wavering commitment held him back from reaching the finish line. His challenge stemmed from self-doubt and indecision about his path—questioning whether he’d chosen correctly.
This habit of “treading water” shows up as constant questioning, abandoning projects for more “exciting” ones, and eventually feeling dissatisfied due to a lack of accomplishments.
Breaking Free from Treading Water
If you’re stuck here, reflect on the deeper meaning behind your commitments. When our actions align with our core values, it’s easier to persist through challenges. Set aside time to ask why you’re pursuing your current goal. Remembering the larger purpose and visualizing the impact you want to create will boost your motivation and commitment.
3. Destination Obsession
Chasing Worth Through Accomplishments
In the final mind pit, destination obsession, people endlessly strive for the next goal, thinking fulfillment lies just around the corner. Achieving one goal only offers brief satisfaction before a new goal is set, which eventually leads to burnout. When we place our self-worth in achievements alone, we’re always striving but rarely feeling fulfilled.
An interesting illustration of this comes from Olympic medalists. Research shows that bronze medalists tend to be happier than silver medalists because they’re grateful to have placed, while silver medalists focus on how close they were to winning gold. This mindset—known as upward counterfactual thinking—fuels feelings of inadequacy and the constant need to catch up.
Curbing Destination Obsession
Recognize that your worth isn’t tied to what you achieve. Take intentional breaks, spend time in activities that nourish you outside of work, and remind yourself that contentment isn’t just a future goal; it’s available to you in the present.
Conclusion
Cultivating Confidence Through Awareness
Each of these habits—failure to launch, treading water, and destination obsession—can quietly undermine confidence. However, by increasing our self-awareness, challenging our self-talk, and reconnecting with our purpose, we can dismantle these self-doubt mind pits and foster lasting self-belief. Remember, confidence is cultivated, not innate, and by building habits that reinforce resilience and purpose, we can embrace our true potential.
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